The Shrew Returns

I’d like to introduce you to the last bloom of the year, which I’m putting here for all to enjoy. Who says that sunflowers always have to be yellow? ๐Ÿ™‚ Said sunflower is the only bit of colour left in the garden. Well, apart from Stephanie’s beautiful burgundy chrysanthemums, but they were in bloom well before the sunflower and are starting to fade now. We had a much nicer than usual October up until a couple of days ago, but now Old Man Winter is rapping insistently at the door. No snow here yet, unlike parts west of us, but it’s definitely cold enough to snow at night now, and I don’t imagine that it’ll be too long before we see some.

ย 

Please consider the flower above to be a wee token of thanks for sticking around while the blog has been so quiet. I suppose that I should have announced that I was taking a real blogging break this time, but I didn’t actually know that I was going to be taking one. I sat down here umpteen times to do a post, besides the birthday greetings, but nothin’ was comin’. I have had quite a bit on my mind, but part of the problem was just with blogging itself. As you know, brain fog sometimes makes blogging a bit of an effort now and then, but this was something quite different. I have been blogging for a long time, so I guess it was inevitable that I’d get a bit stale eventually. I just felt like I didn’t have anything terribly interesting left to say. Forcing the matter over the past while has led to my blog drifing off in a direction that just didn’t feel like “me” anymore. Or, to be more precise, it was boring me rigid. Actually I was just bored to death in general, and have been for some time, but I didn’t realize it until now.

Boredom is something I’m not very familiar with, so it took quite a while to recognize it for what it was. Obviously it’s the health situation that brought it on as I’ve always been too busy/curious to be bored in the past. Sure, I’d get fed up with stuff, or sick of doing the same thing over and over, but that was easily remedied by finding something new and interesting to do. Or, sometimes, it was just a matter of putting in a day of good hard physical labour. Get the heart pumping and the muscles working, and the natural endorphins kick in to chase away the blahs. Things are a tad different now, though, and I had slipped into a really boring state of being without realizing it.

ย 

There’s the old saying which goes something like, “you’re bored because you are boring,” and it’s very true. So, while I’ve been absent from blogging, I’ve been off in search of a life, so to speak. Now doesn’t that sound interesting?! Well, in theory, maybe, but I’m only talking about relatively minor tweaking as far as lifestyle goes, at least at present. Major tweaking with the attitude, though, and I gave my natural curiosity and love of learning a ginormous kick in the tail region. I’ve always needed lots of mental stimulation to feel alive, and I just wasn’t getting any of the right kind of late. I might be a homemaker, but what I do doesn’t even come close to defining who I am. I do what I do because it needs to be done, but my true passions lie elsewhere. High fives and respect to those of you who do get a major thrill from doing all of the stuff that a homemaker does. But it’s just not my reason for being, and there’s no point in continuing to pretend that it is. I abandoned my career because I do get a thrill from being a parent and I was needed far more by my young daughter than I was by any workplace. But trust me, the years at home have not changed my mind about never wanting to be a Martha Stewart clone! Now you know! ๐Ÿ™‚

As for the “stuff on my mind” bit, I’m not used to having restrictions on me of any kind, and, while I should be getting used to them after this length of time, I’ve still been struggling with the acceptance bit. Which isn’t an entirely bad thing, I don’t think. I do accept … now … that the restrictions really are there, but I just cannot and will not view myself as a “sick” person. It’s just not part of my nature and I think that things would be far worse if I did have that other kind of personality. All of the experts describe adjusting to a chronic illness as a grieving process, and of course it is, to a certain degree. But, thinking in terms of something dying is just way too negative for me. Sure, things are very different from how they were three years ago, and the changes continue. Some symptoms are gradually improving, others are gradually worsening, and some just can’t quite seem to make up their mind one way or the other. Life as I knew it before I fell ill is gone, and it’s obvious now that it truly is gone forever. But life itself is not gone, it’s just different, and that’s what I’ve been working on very hard of late.

And what’s the outcome of all of that thinking? Sure, I absolutely cannot do some things anymore, no matter how much I might want to. But there are so many new options that I had never even considered before, and my head is positively spinning with new ideas and possibilities. And that is definitely a boredom eliminator! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not going to say that I’m glad that I got sick, as I’m not a total masochist, thank you very much. But, as ever, that cup is still half full and man, I have some serious sipping to do!

Anyway, enough. Thanks again for your patience and understanding, and have a great Sunday!

ย 

ย 

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “The Shrew Returns

  1. I find myself agreeing with much of what you've said, Eleanor. Physically I'm much more limited in what I'm able to do these days, but that's no reason to let myself get rusty and bored mentally.Every day brings different challenges and I choose whether to meet them head on, or to passively let life roll over me. Some days I surf the waves, some days I flounder in the deep.Love you, my friend, and I admire you for being real.Hugs,Diane

  2. And I love you 'cause you “get” me, Diane! Not everyone does, you know. Surprising, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ What drew me to your blog and you is how real you are yourself. It's the only way I know how to be, really, and I can't be happy if I can't be real. I come from folks who were/are really big on airs and graces, and I'm glad I got a mutant gene. Of course an awfully big chunk of my life had passed before I realized that it was okay to just be me, but there was no going back once the light bulb came on!Of course you know all about limitations now yourself. Wish you didn't, but hey, we can buck each other up when the going gets tough, right? But we're both tough nuts, not to mention smart cookies, so we'll be fine. ๐Ÿ™‚ Your second paragraph hit the nail right on the head. That's what I was meaning to say in my post, but it kind of vanished when I was writing. There are times when you just need to roll with the punches, but there are also times to take the bull by the horns and make things happen. Too much passive doesn't fit me at all, and that's why I was getting so bored.Mega hugs and lots of love back at ya!

  3. I'm so glad to see a post from you!And I thank ya kindly for that beautiful “different” sunflower!Winter is hissing around the corner here as we had our first good frost last night. Heater is humming away keeping me warm!You are not boring in the least! I have to scrape my mind sometimes for blogging topics and think, man am I ever boring but people respond and surprise the heck outa me!You have a wonderful day!Love YOU!

  4. Sometimes we just have to do things as we're “moved” to do them. I find I'm blogging less at the moment not because of illness, or that I have nothing to say but just because I'm getting on with other stuff first. Life has a tendency to take over sometimes, eh?Lovely as ever to read your posts Eleanor. You make up in quality what might lapse in quantity ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I can relate to so much that you have mentioned here. Particularly about feeling that what I write becomes more boring as time passes. But I find comfort in the fact that time spent with friends is time spent with ease. Oftentimes I drink coffee at the kitchen table with neighborhood friends in relative silence without either of us feeling discomfort. I still enjoy the fact that they came.I feel that way when I visit you. Nothing you say is ever boring, nothing is ever a waste of time, because I come here to enjoy your company. I enjoy your chatter whatever it may be and I am very much at ease here even though I may visit in silence and leave no comment.

  6. Happy Halloween dear Eleanor:-) I'm finally finding time to do some visiting today!! I so know what you mean with this post…I think we spend half of our lifetime trying to figure out what it is we really want out of life and the the other half trying to do it. You know my story and all the limitations I had for so many years…now I'm living life as fully as I can every day and do what I want to do, not what is expected of me. Go after your dreams…even with your limitations you can still lead a full life filled with what makes you happy!! Love you my friend! xoxo

  7. Thanks for dropping by, Jessie. I have some catching up to do with you… and loads of others. Hope you're feeling much better now!

  8. Thanks for the “not boring” comment, Tammy. ๐Ÿ™‚ I know what my blog used to be like, however, so my own opinion hasn't changed. I'm not beating myself up over it by any means, as it's hardly an important issue. But getting back to writing for myself, in my own voice, is going to make me feel a lot better. Stephanie noticed the change, too, and gave me a “stern lecture” the other evening, not realizing that I had already noticed it myself. Nothing like our offspring to keep us in line, eh? ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Thank you, Elle. You're right, life does sometimes get in the way of blogging, and life should always be the priority. When your blog is quiet, I know that your knitting needles are flying, or you're spending quality time with your nearest and dearest. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Ah Roberta, you truly are a kindred spirit! ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel totally comfortable with companionable silence, too, and it's actually a compliment when a friend feels like she/he doesn't have to chatter constantly, just to fill the quiet gaps.I think we established long ago that comments aren't the be all and end all. I still visit you very regularly, too, but often a quiet nod or smile feels like the appropriate response to your thoughts. Which you aren't going to visibly notice, but perhaps you can feel the vibe being sent from here to there. ๐Ÿ™‚ I'm sure that many would disagree with me, but when a thought is expressed as completely as yours invariably are, making a comment can actually spoil the moment. From my perspective, at least. I always leave your blog enlightened, validated, amused, etc. and prefer to carry your thoughts, rather than my own, with me when I leave.

  11. Yup, Pea, that's it in a nutshell. The difference for me is that I have happiness in one area where you don't, but it's still a sort of mid-life crisis, if you will, requiring a major change of direction in order to be happy and feel fulfilled.

Share a thought

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s