Alrighty, enough of this being lost for words nonsense. Brain fog and all, it’s time to get back into the land of the bloggers.
This has been one of the worst spells since this whole Chronic Fatigue Syndrome nonsense started, but I suppose that I needed to be knocked on my backside good and proper to finally take this thing seriously. Well, more seriously anyway. How incredibly arrogant of me to think that I’m any more special than anyone else afflicted with it. It is what it is, and I have to treat it with as much respect as any other person dealing with it. I’ve been doing it mostly wrong and, by stubbornly refusing to accept reality, I’ve been shooting myself in the foot. Big time. But not anymore. I throw up my hands and admit defeat. Er, sorry, not defeat – never that. Rather, it’s a case of finally accepting reality. My life changed eighteen months ago, and it will probably never be the same again. But it can get a whole lot better, and I must make a lot of drastic changes in order for it to get better.
So, I’ve worked out a game plan of sorts, with the assistance of my very understanding husband. Or rather, at the insistence of my very understanding husband. Some professional help, too, of course, but mostly it has to be down to me as only I know my own limits and how I feel at any given time. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that it’s a matter of pacing, and I don’t mean the kind that wears a hole in the carpet. Serious pacing, as in cutting back to the bare essentials and working up from there in baby steps over a long period of time. Apparently it’s the only way, and I have to be patient for as long as it takes. We’re talking years for sure, but how many years depends on how faithfully I adhere to the plan.
It’s certainly not all doom and gloom, though. Far from it. Change can be a very good thing and sometimes enforced change takes us down new, positive paths that we would have never found otherwise. I do have to give up/cut back on many things, some of which I really enjoy and shall miss. But, I now have the opportunity to try new things that are less tiring, and rekindle old passions that had been all but abandoned as life became busier over the years. Life in general must be simplified, which is something I’ve felt the need to do anyway since long before I fell ill. Obviously the pace has to slow down to a crawl, too, and that has definite benefits, besides not sapping already limited energy. I’ll admit to some major frustration while I make the adjustment, but I can certainly already see some of what we miss when we hurtle headlong through life.
Even the brain fog isn’t an entirely bad thing. It’s a bit hard to explain, but it’s rather like my brain is in the process of being rewired. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome causes huge problems with concentration and short term memory. It also causes hypersensitivity to certain kinds of stimuli, like light, sound, temperature change, chemicals, and so on. But on the plus side, certain “hidden”, desirable brain functions are suddenly becoming much more acute, and that is very interesting indeed. It’s like I’m seeing the world through completely different eyes just lately, and I’m rather enjoying the experience.
But enough of all of that. Just thought I’d mention it this one time to bring you up to speed, but I promise not to torture you with constant babble of this nature hereafter. It’s pretty hard to keep the thoughts focused while they travel from brain to blog at present, so it’s best to keep the navel gazing to myself.
Thanks for the comments to the previous few posts. I’ll give them some attention another time, but thought it more important to get a blog post up today. Thanks also to Stephanie for holding down the fort while I was too tired to do it myself. The garden post was a great idea, Steph, and thanks for posting the Canada Day bit for me. I prepared it in advance, and she slapped it up here at the appropriate time.