Evidently some of you are waiting for an update on how I’ve been feeling since starting on an anti-depressant about three weeks ago. Oops, sorry, didn’t mean to leave you hanging and worrying. It’s just not my way to drone on and on about stuff, at least not anymore. The droning that I did do was an aberration and should have been a clue in itself that something was amiss.
Anyhoo, the short answer is, I’m doing very well. The long answer is, I’m doing very well indeed. Astonishingly well, really, considering the fact that the piddly dose I’m on wasn’t actually intended to make much of a difference. Not every drug suits every person, so the doc thought it best to start off really low, see how my body reacts, then hit me with a dose somewhere within the actual therapeutic range if I tolerate the drug okay. Well, I’m more than tolerating it, obviously. It’s a night and day difference from where I was three weeks ago, and hallelujah for that! Having said that, though, I know that it can get better yet, so I’ll go along with the plan to bump the dose another week hence. That will still be the lowest end of the therapeutic range, but probably quite sufficient.
What’s being treated is a combination of depression and anxiety. Not a deep, dark depression, but the kind that sort of takes hold over time and drags you down. Life wasn’t hopeless and full of despair, just pretty “meh”. And “meh” isn’t much fun after awhile. Not at all. But the depression was more of a symptom than a disease in itself, so it was important to hammer away at the underlying cause, too. A proper, intense hammering, that is, not a superficial one, as has been done at various times throughout my life. The official diagnosis is “Generalized Anxiety Disorder”, and it’s something that has always been there, for as long as I can remember. I can clearly remember back to very early childhood, and anxiety of one degree or another is there in even my very earliest memories. Why? Who knows? Some people are born with a predisposition, some acquire it through life experience, or it can be a combination of the two. Probably the latter in my case, but it’s hard to say for sure. It doesn’t really matter one way or the other, though. All that I care about is knocking it on the head now, once and for all.
Generalized anxiety is a much simpler thing to treat than the specific varieties, like OCD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, agoraphobia, and so on. But it’s something that needs to be treated properly. All of the counselling and self-help in the world isn’t going to make it go away. It takes medication to sort out the seratonin levels in the brain, too. Hence the anti-depressant.
So, there it is and there’s not much more to say about it, really. I’m getting my life back and it’s a very nice feeling indeed. Nice for those around me, too. They saw the change even before I felt it, and haven’t been shy about expressing their delight. Even those who haven’t seen the transformation can hear it in my voice over the phone.
Now, let that be an end to the fretting, okay? I appreciate the concern, more than I can say, but I’m fine. Really! I anticipate a return of the side effects when I bump the dose at the end of next week, which might result in a quiet blog for a week or so if I start dancing the jitterbug again and can’t sit still. But that will pass and normal service will resume again thereafter. Of course I’m still dealing with the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, too, but that has improved significantly since early in the year. It’s still following its usual cycles of ups and downs, but the downs are getting shorter and less intense. Add in the more positive mindset and the CFS really doesn’t seem like much more than a minor annoyance now.
Oh, and just one more thing. Lest there be some concern about the shrew losing her shrewish tendancies, requiring a change of blog name again, fear not. She’s still a shrew, but in a good way. Or so she’s told, anyway. She was getting a bit concerned about her sudden annoyance with, and general lack of tolerance for, certain people and behaviour. But Richard assures her that it’s a long overdue, very good thing. Oh, well, that’s alright then! 🙂
Now I’ll end with a toast to my new best friend and the nice man who introduced it into my life. Cheers and thanks!